Confrontation with Ganondorf

 
A dark figure stood opposite the entryway. His hands were across his chest, his cloak blowing slightly in the chill breeze. High above the man was Princess Zelda, trapped inside a rose-colored crystal. The Hero of Time took a cautious step forward.

Link: 'Ello!

Ganondorf: ...Did you just say Hello?

Link: No, I said 'Ello, but I guess that's close enough.

Ganondorf gave Link a sideways glance, unsure if the hero was acting out some ingenious plot, or if he was just stupid.

Link: You're him, aren't you? You're the Goblin King! I want the princess back, please, if it's all the same.

Ganondorf: First of all, I am known throughout the land as The King of Evil. Secondly, no. You may not have the princess back, "if it's all the same."

A murderous look shot across the hero's face. He clenched his fists and walked toward Ganondorf, a new air of confidence in his gait.

Link: Let Zelda go.

Link: Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the princess that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great.

Ganondorf: What Goblin City?

Link: You have no power over me!!

Zelda: Link! What are you doing?!

Ganondorf: Come back when you've taken your meds.

Link: Ganondorf, go back to your room. Play with your toys and your costumes. Forget about the princess.

Ganondorf: Look, kid. Either we have a battle to end all battles, or you willingly give me the Triforce of Courage.

Link: I wish the goblins would come and take you away...right now!

Link squeezed his eyes shut and pointed a finger at Ganondorf. Zelda slammed her head against the wall of the crystal.

Ganondorf: This is what you say to me? The man who wields the Triforce of Power! I burnt cities to the ground! Unleashed hoardes of monsters to terrorize the people! Encased the Princess of Hyrule in a goddamn crystal!

Link: It's a crystal. Nothing more. But if you turn it this way and look into it...

Link leaned his body to the side and tilted his head.

Link: ...it will show you your dreams. But this is not a gift for an ordinary girl who takes care of a screaming baby.

Ganondorf: Seriously, come back later.

Link: Navi! Call the rocks!

Navi: What?

Link: TALLYHO!

Sword outstretched in front of him, Link charged toward Ganondorf, confident there was a rock army behind him. Of course, there was not. Link is very confused.

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow before effortlessly sidestepping the Hero of Time. Link quickly recovered and readied his sword.

Link: In nine hours and twenty-three minutes... you'll be mine!

And thus began the epic battle that would decide Hyrule's fate - but that is a story for another html page.

Ganondorf being defeated, Zelda's crystal disappeared and she was set free. Link ran to greet her. She smiled warmly.

Zelda: Link...you did it.

Zelda hung her head in relief, overwhelmed with happiness. Link gazed at the princess, face beaming. Suddenly, his mouth shot open.

Link: Wow, Zelda. I never realized how much you remind me of the babe.

He placed his hands on her shoulders, positioning her to get a better look.

Zelda: Pardon? What babe?

Zelda's eyes turned murderous.

Link: The babe with the power.

Zelda: What power?

Link: The power of voodoo!

Zelda: You're not making sense.

Link: You do!

The princess' forehead wrinkled in anger. She curled her hands into fists.

Zelda: What? Do what?

Link: Remind me of the babe!

Zelda: WHAT BABE?!

Link: The babe with the -

Zelda punched him in the face. And then there was much dancing.