Hoo Goes There?

 
Young Link ran like hell out of the Lost Woods, a cloud of dust kicking up behind him, hiding his best friend Saria from view.

Link: Ugh! Why do girls have to get all sentimental and gooey?

Navi: That was extremely rude of you, Link! Saria's your friend!

Link: Maybe, but she's also a girl!

Navi: You just didn't want her to see you cry.

Link: Cry? I'm not crying!

Navi: Your nose is running.

Link: I have a cold.

Navi: Your cheeks are flushed.

Link: It's a sunburn.

Navi: Your eyes are watery and red.

Link: I put contact solution directly into my eyeballs. It stings.

Navi: You're impossible.

Navi, now completely frustrated, flit under Link's cap and away from view. She sighed to herself, knowing later when he hit puberty she'd be thankful for when he was little and didn't like girls at all.

Link's ear twitched, Navi's wings having tickled it when she flew past. He continued on the trail leading away from Kokiri Forest.

*HOO HOO*

Link about wet himself. A giant owl loomed overhead, it's golden eyes staring hungrily at the small boy.

Kaepora Gaebora: Hoo hoot! Hello, Link!

Link: Don't eat me!

Kaepora Gaebora: Oh, ho ho! You're much too big for me to eat. Yes...much too big...

Link: ......

Kaepora Gaebora: *ahem* It appears that the time has finally come for you to start your adventure!

Link: What adventure?

Kaepora Gaebora: Why, the adventure the Great Deku Tree told you about!

Link: The Great Deku... Are you following me?? How do you know what he sia d to me?

Kaepora Gaebora: "sia d?"

Link: Emi can't type correctly.

Kaepora Gaebora: Oh.

Link: Anyway... Yeah! How do you know what he said? Are you following me? I may live in a tree, but I know my rights and that is definitely illegal.

Kaepora Gaebora: You seem a bit agitated. Is your fairy around? Perhaps I could hold a conversation with her.

Link: You can have her if you want.

Kaepora Gaebora: No, that won't be necessary, I just need to give directions so you don't get lost on your way to the princess.

Link took off his hat and turned it inside-out. Navi fell several inches before catching herself and fluttering back up by Link's head.

Navi: Use Z Targeting to talk to someone far away from you!

Link: I know that, thank you. Be quiet for once!

Navi: Hmph!

Kaepora Gaebora: Now Link, go straight this way and you will see Hyrule Castle. If you are lost and don't know which way to go, look at the Map.

Link: The Map? Really, you think?

Kaepora Gaebora: You're not that big, shrimp.

Link shut up.

Kaepora Gaebora: Did you get all that?

Bright green buttons reading "No" and "Yes" appeared in front of Link. He hastily pressed the first one, eager to get away from the scary old owl.

Kaepora Gaebora: It appears that the time has finally come for you to start your adventure!

Link: Um, we went through this already.

Navi: Yes we did, but someone doesn't have enough patience to read one-syllable words. You pushed "No," Link!

Link: Crap.

And so Kaepora Gaebora spoke on, refreshing Link's memory one dialogue box at a time. Eventually the sun went down and all the Stalchildren began popping up out of the ground and making their way towards Link. Unfortunately, Link was frozen in place, because whenever someone speaks that happens to him and it's times like now that that handicap really sucks.