Pirates of the Caribbean

Emi: Tho...

Zell: What's wrong with you?

Emi: I have uh cold.

Zell: That sucks.

Emi: It does. But you can't piss me off tuday, 'cuz I'll cough on you.

Zell: It's still summer, how the hell did you catch a cold? >_o

Emi: My friend Mel gave it to me, which is awesome, becuz I only see hur for one class. hahaha...ha... *grunts and blows nose into tissue*

Zell: Mmkay.... Uh, yeah, Pirates of the Caribbean.

Emi: I liked it becuz it whuz good like somethig that is guud.

Zell: What a way with words.

Emi: I'm uh genius. And more guys should weur black eyeliner, becuz Johnny Depp wore it and still looked manly.

Zell: Squall kinda wears eyeliner.

Emi: Actually, it does luuk like he weurs it. Wow. Do you think he looks manly?

Zell: What'dya asking me for?!

Emi: Yur the only other person here, so I thaught I'd ask you... Oy, pleaz don't scream...

Zell: You spell like a n00b.

Emi: *stares blankly with mouth wide open* It wuld be great if I culd breathe.

Zell: It would be great if you could add some meaningful comments to this review.

Emi: *in a daze* It's hot in here.

Zell: *smugly* Yep, that would be me.

Emi: *continues to stare blankly ahead of her*

Emi: I had sum hot apple cidur last night. It made me feel good until it made meh feel sick.

Zell: *waits patiently*

Emi: Uhh...yeah, I'll be back.

(Emi lethargically stumbles out of the training center, nearly missing Nida coming from the opposite direction. He glances behind him as he makes his way over to Zell.)

Zell: Aw, hey, man! Perfect timing!

Nida: I've never seen that girl here before. Is she a transfer student?

Zell: Emi? Nah, she sells insurance and lectures on the dangers of driving drunk.

(Nida wrinkles his brow as he watches Emi scrape up against the side of a wall, trying to make it down the hallway. He turns back around, focusing on the camera set up in front of Zell.)

Nida: Oh, are you doing a little show or something?

Zell: As a matter of fact, I am! How'd you like 'ta be a guest?

Nida: *blushes* Well, I mean... I don't know... ^^;

Zell: Have you seen Pirates of the Caribbean?

Nida: That ride at Disney?

Zell: Close enough! Come on an' sit down!

(Nida expresses nervous excitement as he takes his place in Emi's lawn chair.)

Zell: We're just going to talk about the movie, okay?

Nida: *unsure* I thought it was a ride.

Zell: It is, but it's also a movie now. So we're gonna talk about what we liked and didn't like.

Nida: Oh, we're going to give a review. ...But I've only been on the ride.

Zell: Whatever, man! Just talk about the ride then! I'm in a spot here.

Nida: *shrugs* Yeah, alright.

Zell: I guess we'll pick up where Emi and I left off-

Nida: She also reviews movies?

Zell: Well, she incorporates lessons on drinking and driving into the review while subliminal messages pop on screen telling people to buy insurance.

Nida: That's interesting.

Zell: Yeah, no one cares - now let's get on with it!

Nida: So what were you two talking about?

Zell: Do you think Squall looks manly with his eyeliner?

Nida: What?

Zell: Y'know, do you think he looks manly wearing all that make-up?

Nida: What does this have to do with Pirates of the Caribbean?

Zell: Damn, you sound just like her. *throws head back* Y'know - nothing. It has nothing to do with Pirates of the Caribbean, so we're gonna move on.

Nida: Well, if I had to review the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, I would give it a 4/5. Of course, I'm 10 years older now, so I don't know if I would give it the same score, but -

Zell: *thrusts hand in Nida's face* I thought the movie was good. Some adventure, some dead people, some humor; great stuff. I'm sure Emi liked it more, 'cause she kept complaining to me about how she's been hoping they'd make a pirate movie. Then when Pirates was announced, she got upset because she wanted to be in it. *shakes head*

(Nida physically lowers Zell's hand from his face. His expression hardens.)

Nida: Do you want me to speak or not?

Zell: I thought I did. Haha, no offense meant, man. ^__^; You can speak about the ride if ya want.

Nida: The part I remember liking the most is the section with the dog holding the keys to a prison cell -

Zell: Ooh, good, good! That part was in the movie, too!

Nida: ...And I remember a pirate chasing some woman around a balcony -

Zell: Something like that was in the movie.

Nida: And a little dip in the water that was fun, but should have been bigger.

Zell: Uh...well, the seats in the movie theater sometimes dip. This review ain't going too bad.

(Nida remains silent, the expression on his face saying he obviously doesn't agree. Meanwhile, Emi stumbles back into the training grounds, carrying a box of tissues, a cup of tea, and a small silver package under her arm.)

Emi: Y'know, theze medicatud coff drops really only numb your entire mowwth. It feels a bit weard. And aftur a while, they start tahsting nasty, too.

(Emi pauses, trying to clear her vision as she inspects her now-occupied lawn chair.)

Emi: The hell you doing in mai chair?

Nida: *gets up quickly* Terribly sorry! Zell said I could help him with your show.

Emi: *plops down into chair* I see... Yu replaced me, just becuz I have a contagus disease.

Zell: C'mon, don't be upset! I didn't know you were coming back!

Emi: Yeah, well...

(Emi fumbles with a tissue, while Nida continues to stand in front of the two.)

Emi: How far in thuh review are we?

Zell: Er...

Emi: About as far az always?

Zell: Yep.

Emi: *points to Nida with tissue in hand* Wuz he doing a guud job?

Zell: Better job than you are now.

(Emi bobs her head a few times, then gets up.)

Emi: Siddown, I'm going - wait. Damn, I have nowhure to go. >_o

Zell: Nida, give her your room key.

Nida: What?

Emi: Yeah, Niduh, give me yer key. Arrrrgh!

(Zell and Nida pause.)

Emi: ...I had to throw something piratey into this review.

Nida: I don't want a sick person in my room, I'm sorry. Why don't you see the nurse?

Emi: Uh...actchually, I don't think I hev permission to be here.

Nida: Then I really don't want you in my room.

Zell: She's visiting, okay?

Emi: ...for a couple yearz...

Nida: You guys gotta be kidding me.

Zell: Dammit, man, we're wasting time! The film's almost out!

Nida: Why did you leave it running?

Emi: Somewhun give me their freaking key! ...Ow, mai head...

Nida: *sighing* Alright, here. I can't stand to see you there looking like you're going to die.

(Emi stares at the key in her hand in amazement.)

Emi: *wrinkling brow* Wow. Yu're really nice. I guess you won't mind if I uze yoor bathtub or yoor fridge. I'm sick, but I'm really hung-gry.

Nida: Uh...

Zell: Now go and rest so we can finish up here!

(Emi leaves once again. Zell re-composes himself and looks directly into the camera.)

Zell: So as Nida was saying, the ride deserves a 4/5, and the movie is pretty damn good, too.

Nida: And I just might see it someday.

Zell: If Emi were here, I'm sure she'd say something along the lines of, "It was a ton of fun, full of adventure and humor, and Zell is my idol. I worship him."

Nida: ...You think she'd say that?

Zell: Of course she would!

Emi: *in the distance* I wuld NOT!

Zell: And that is our review for you today. I know you are all in awe.

Nida: We're done so soon? But that girl's still going to be in my room.

Zell: You're the only guy I know who would complain about something like that.

Nida: She's going to infect my linens with her diseaseness!

Zell: ...Uh. Yeah, okay, whatever. *looks to the right*

[ G'night. ]